Networking Friends: Quality or Quantity?

What do you find more important in your friends? Quality? Or quantity? Social networking is taking harsh criticism for its untraditional way of helping people make friends.

On average, a person involved in a social network like MySpace or Facebook has around 150 friends. Still, others have befriended hundreds, even thousands of other users.

According to behavioral ecologists, making new friends is about more than just ‘friending’ and writing on someone’s wall a few times. Making new friends is about a commitment of time and energy and receiving similar benefits from the other person in return.

Are online networks reducing this investment in making new friends by lowering the perceived risk? Most certainly. But to those who take quality over quantity, taking that in-person risk is what it’s all about.

Dr. Will Reader at Sheffield Hallam University says that according to his online survey, he has found that face-to-face encounters are still the most important part in sustaining a close friendship.

I think that these face-to-face encounters are, and always will be, the most important factor in not only making friends, but also keeping those friends. Dr. Reader says that face-to-face contact is the only time that you can use facial and bodily cues to get honest information.

However, I think it is even much more than cues that makes face-to-face befriending important. I think that one of the best indicators of a great friendship is actually silence. Let me explain further. I find that I can tell my best friends apart from my good friends by being able to sit in silence with them, and not feel awkward. This concept may seem a little weird to you. But in my life anyway, it is the people that I can drive in the car for 20 minutes and not say a thing to, that I feel the most comfortable with. The thoughts of, “Oh my gosh it’s so quiet. Should I say something? What should I say? Maybe comment on the weather? Or maybe I should tell her what bad hair day I’m having. No, wait. I shouldn’t talk about myself. I might come off as self-centered.” These are the typical thoughts that cross one’s mind if they aren’t completely comfortable with the person next to them. Sure, a stimulating conversation with a friend is always exciting. But I think a stimulating conversation can be held with most anyone. It is sitting in a silent room with one other person, and feeling at ease (and without mind-racing thoughts) that is a true indicator of a great friend.

And although social networking sites will probably keep growing, as will people’s friend lists, it still remains the truth that our closest friends are the ones that we can call up on the phone and ask them to meet us for lunch, go see a movie, or even just sit in silence. Although some people may believe that the number of friends they have is the most important aspect of their relationships, those who still believe in the tradition quality over quantity will unquestionably be the better friend.

This post is in response to an article found at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070912161147.htm